There’s a difference between being sad in an alive way and being numb and dead. Embrace sadness. When you are dead something is wrong. Also, you’ve been questioning your job for so long, it makes me think the answer you are coming to is not correct. I think you will survive and suspect you will thrive. There is a place, a niche, trying to find you. Remember the taxi driver in Seville, the concierge who made reservations, the waiter at the Altmira.